


Trouble in Paradise

by Psychoctopus



Series: Working 9 to 5 (The Fate/Zero Way) [4]
Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 05:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4552086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychoctopus/pseuds/Psychoctopus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murder doesn't pay the bills, including for food, so Ryuunosuke nearly starves to death. Unfortunately for children everywhere, Caster is more than willing to get a job to support his weakening master.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trouble in Paradise

As he did every evening, Ryuunosuke surveyed the growing artwork painted in blood and guts on the sewer wall. On this particular day, though, the macabre display left him feeling empty for the first time. Or perhaps it was the fact that he hadn't eaten in three days. Whatever the cause, when Caster returned to their hideout, he found his master passed out on the floor, completely listless. Taking his master into his arms, Caster proceeded to curse God for taking such a "pure" soul. Luckily for Ryuunosuke, he managed to regain consciousness before his servant could give him a "proper" funeral. "Master! I thought I had lost you!" Caster exclaimed, simultaneously throwing a child's arm over one of his hulking shoulders.

Still discombobulated and very weak, Ryuunosuke completely missed the point. "I'm right here, big guy."

"What is the matter? You were passed out in front of our greatest masterpiece! Perhaps our artwork is a bit too much for mortal eyes?"

"God would not allow us to make a work of such beauty if I was not to look at it!"

"Right as always, my dear Ryuuno-" it was at this point that Ryuunosuke's stomach grumbled loudly enough to echo throughout the whole underground cavern. 

He looked down in confusion. "What is this beast inside of me?"

Pausing to consider the possibilities, Caster gestured to Ryuunosuke's stomach. "Could it be that your human body requires sustenance?"

Ryuunosuke pondered this. ". . . Once again, you display your brilliance, big guy!!"

"How does one acquire food in this world? Perhaps I should go out to hunt, master?"

At the mention of hunting, Ryuunosuke became slightly petulant, "I don't like meat."

"I apologize, my young master, but how else can we obtain food? You don't have any currency, do you?"

Sulky, he looked at the ground. "No . . ."

Pointing towards the heavens, Caster gleefully shouted, "Then I, Gilles de Rais, will provide you with the wealth needed to buy as much sustenance as you desire!"

Ryuunosuke looked up happily. "Really? Big guy, you are the coolest!!!!"

* * * * *

Caster's stature and garb were not suited to typical work, but fortunately enough, he stumbled into a temp agency that specialized in finding jobs for anyone (apparently anyone meant even 15th century child murderers). The lady behind the desk barely glanced up, took in his appearance, and said, "Another party magician? You're the fifth this week. Unless you have some pretty spectacular tricks, I'm afraid you'll have to take a job at some other trade."

As it so happens to turn out, turning the office coffee pot into a rabbit does indeed fall under the category of "pretty spectacular". Fortunately for Caster, he was immediately given the spot. Unfortunately for all others in the room, the rabbit's cuteness would be cut short approximately thirty minutes later when it transformed into a fluffy, man-eating monstrosity. However, they would not make the connection until it was too late, as Caster was already on his way to the first children's party of his illustrious children's magician career. 

* * * * *

As Gilles was about to stroll out onto the cheap stage set up in some rich family's backyard for his debut performance, he noticed that Ryuunosuke was sulking. "What is wrong, master?"

"What's the point in entertaining all these children when they won't be entertaining us in return?"

"My dear Ryuunosuke, I understand your pain, but we must make some sacrifices in order to maintain your existence. It is lamentable, but we must put aside our art for the time being . . . In the meantime, perhaps you could sneak yourself some sustenance from the . . . snack table?"

He brightened slightly, but still remained a shadow of his normal self. "Alright. Have a good show, big guy."

"I will show them the greatest 'COOOOL' ever!!" And with that, Gilles went on to perform what was likely to be the most twisted, yet captivating magic show those children would ever bear witness to. It had all the elements of a typical party show: card tricks, levitation, and pulling gifts out of thin air, but altogether, they seemed . . . wrong . . . somehow. Blood would seem to pull itself out of a guest, making intricate patterns that captivated even the victim of the illusion. Once the child was put back together, Caster proceeded to pull out a deck of tarot cards, telling horrific tales of the future using the grotesque images. He concluded by creating a small sea creature for each guest, to be used as sparring pets. The parents were furious, but too afraid to say anything against him.

After his grand finale, Caster held his arms open wide and quizzed the children based off of the mantra he had been drilling in their heads since the start of the show "And don't forget, kiddies! Murder is?" 

A collective "cooool!" was heard from the kids, much to the dismay of the parents. One of the women even fainted and fell into the bowl of punch that Ryuunosuke was practically lapping out of like a starved alley cat. Once the parents regained their composure, they were quite willing to pay him extra to go away and never return again. However, once the kids returned to school, they were quite energetic in spreading rumors about the most amazing magician they'd ever seen. 

* * * * *

Pretty soon, Caster was booked for a show practically every day of the week. While Gilles was actually enjoying himself and his new line of work, Ryuunosuke seemed to have a cloud permanently hanging over his head. Despite having a constant food supply for the first time in ages, he was unsatisfied with letting their clients live, especially with how infuriating most of the party hosts were. Caster himself never would have guessed that his master was a vegetarian, but after one particular incident at a client's party (let’s just say that more than tables were flipped), Gilles made sure to keep any and all forms of processed meat out of Ryuunosuke's sight. 

However, as it turned out, processed meat stuff was practically inevitable to avoid, especially at little kids’ birthday parties. At Caster’s latest gig, the host had foolishly decided to make chicken nuggets the main feature of the food table, and Ryuunosuke had barely walked in before laying eyes upon them and losing his temper. After a solid hour of Ryuunosuke "informing" the party goers of the unethical nature of the meat industry, Caster had to step in and pull his master aside.

"What are you doing? These people are monsters!"

"Master, I'll lose my audience if you keep up this ridiculous farce!"

"Lately all you care about is your audience! Can't you see how terrible they are? Once you would have just crushed them on the spot!"

"All of that can wait! I have to finish my final act! The kids really love that one, and I'd hate to keep them hanging!"

Ryuunosuke looked shocked and hurt. "I thought you enjoyed leaving them hanging for a while. It gives so much more depth to the art." Turning abruptly, he left the party without taking any food. Although Caster felt guilty, he had a job to finish. His master was temperamental, but he wasn't very good at holding grudges. Gilles hoped that this whole incident would blow over in a few days. 

Meanwhile, Ryuunosuke returned to their sewer home, mindlessly fiddling with his "tools" for a few hours before heading out. That very night he began searching for new children to add to his precious carnage, but it just wasn't the same without Caster, which only infuriated him more. 

For the remainder of the week, the two hardly even saw each other, with Caster working full time and Ryuunosuke doing his best to avoid his servant. Eventually, Ryuunosuke returned to his old apartment and resumed working at several odd jobs, trying to pretend that he had never met his child-murdering ex-BFF. 

* * * * *

One night, after a particularly uneventful day at the salad packaging company, Ryuunosuke entered his apartment, only to find that he wasn't alone. "What are you doing here?" 

Bowing low, Caster gently reached out to grab Ryuunosuke's hands. "I have come to make emends."

Petulantly, Ryuunosuke pulled his hands away. "I thought you were happy with your precious little children."

"How could I be happy when I don't have you by my side . . . ? Now if you would come with me, I have something to show you."

Still rather sullen, Ryuunosuke followed Caster out of the apartment complex and back to the sewers. As soon as Ryuunosuke stepped into the darkness of the innermost cavern, a large red curtain descended from somewhere within the rafters. "And now for my final trick! Watch closely now!" 

With a flourish, Caster raised his arms, the curtain following his movement. Huddled together in a tight circle, the children Caster had ever performed for stood before them, shivering and crying. 

Ryuunosuke's eyes widened in both amazement and shock. "But won't you lose your job?"

Caster shrugged slightly. "I quit. No job is better than the company of a brilliant mind such as yourself, my dear Ryuunosuke!"

Ryuunosuke sniffled loudly, "It just hasn't been the same without you, big guy."

Caster wrapped his lanky arms around Ryuunosuke. "I missed you too." Caster was pretty sure that he heard one of the children mutter something along the lines of "creepy freaks", but he decided to ignore it. 

"Now, we will be even greater than before!" Ryuunosuke squeezed Caster tightly. "This bunch will be just the start!"

"So all is forgiven?"

"Of course, big guy! There's no one who could ever take your place!"

"Wonderful! This calls for a celebration! I assume that you'd like to get started at once?"

"Why wait?" With nothing more to be said, the master and servant, the two best friends, turned back the clock and started anew their masterpiece of blood. And this time, when Ryuunosuke started to feel a bit empty inside, Caster had a stockpile of lettuce heads to feed his master’s rabbit habits.


End file.
